the big black hole.

few days ago, i keep thinking bout something.
i don't know why is that.
my mind just keep thinking bout it.
i can feel that deep in my heart, there is a hole. a big hole. yeah i mean BIG.
the hole keeps getting bigger as i grow older.
i don't know. maybe its simply because as i grow older, i tend to drift along with the worldly natures.
i miss the moment when i was still in school because my heart is full. no hole. if there was, maybe a small one. just like your nostril.
on that time, i was good. really good. shaped well with discipline, and there were something for my soul to feed on.
you see, i went to a boarding school. everything i did was according to the school routine. wake up in the morning. perform the fajr together. have breakfast. go to school. perform the dhuhr together. have lunch. go to prep class. perform the asr together. play soccer or "sepak takraw" or volleyball or basketball. have dinner. perform the maghrib together. go to prep class again. and the day ends with a good night sleep. just as perfect as that.
it seems boring but i don't know. i love it. i love that kind of life. i didn't care about the world outside back then.
but yeah, life comes with challenges. back then, there were no tough challenges. the challenges come right now, when you get older, when you are creating the path of your life.
most people are afraid of the path that they will take in life. it's either they realize it or otherwise. or they will realize it later perhaps, when it's already too late. "it's better late than never"? fuck that.
so about the hole i was talking about. i think the emptiness is caused by the lack of food that my soul could eat.
you can really feel the difference when your stomach is hungry. so does it goes for the soul. unless you never feed your soul. you can never tell the difference in that case.
once my soul was quite healthy but not nowadays. there's nothing much i do for my soul. i need to really have a healthy soul right now. it just doesn't feel right with that hole being inside me.
in retrospect, i was much better than i am.


now listening~going away~meg and dia

In Allah we have faith