from negro to hero.

positive to negative,
good to evil,
right to left,
north to south,
west to east,
up to down,
and the list never ends.

sometimes i just wonder why it works this way.
why positive can't exist alone without negative?
why good can't exist alone without evil?
why right must co-exists with left?
why north must co-exists with south?
why up can't be without down?

'heaven to hell' sums up the whole thing.
everything just have to be co-exist because the end is either heaven or hell.
there is no place between heaven and hell. you need to choose.
it is never easy to get through this world until we reach our final destinations.
we know the time that we live in right now can be considered 'the end of days'.
many symptoms keep showing themselves up from day to day.

so, what's the trick?
hold on to what you are guaranteed to hold on to.
we have the Quran, we have the Hadith.
they are our ultimate guides.
because the world we live in is a huge lie.
with what they feed you on tv, on radio, on the internet.
we are badly wounded, we are deeply indoctrinated.
there is no way to leave the 'matrix' as long as we don't wake up.
yeap, it's damn hard.
maybe today you're out of it, but tomorrow is another day.
and maybe sometimes, your mind is awaken but your routine life is still the same.
i repeat, it's damn hard.

we don't care about who's gonna run this town tonight,
maybe if you run the town, you can control everything we watch, everything we hear, and everything else you want to do.
ok fine, you got it.
but that is as far as you can go. run the town, get rich, and what?

just like how heaven and hell are created,
the dwellers of them are divided to two forces of good and evil,
we are given the chance to choose right now,
to be in the 'good force' or 'evil force',

good to heaven.
evil to hell.

that's the formula, it can't get any easier.
it's as easy as ABC.
good luck to us.


In Allah we have faith

bandar hijau.

I awoke only to find my lungs empty, and through the night, so it seems I'm not breathing. And now my dreams are nothing like they were meant to be, and I'm breaking down, I think I'm breaking down. I'm afraid to sleep because of what haunts me, such as living with the uncertainty, that I'll never find the words to say which would completely explain just how I'm breaking down.

I've become a simple souvenir of someone's kill, and like the sea, I'm constantly changing from calm to ill. Madness fills my heart and soul, as if the great divide could swallow me whole. And this is how I'm breaking down.

Please, someone come and save my life, well maybe I'll sleep when I am dead, but now it's like the night is taking sides, with all the worries that occupy the back of my mind, could it be this misery will suffice?


In Allah we have faith

aku sedang dalam keadaan di awangan. kaki tak berpijak di bumi. tangan pula tak tercapai ke langit. tangan terkena api, tapi panas tak terasa. ubun kepala terkena air sejuk, tapi sejuk tak terasa. muka ditampar kuat, sakit tak terasa. lidah menjamah santapan, garamnya tak terasa. esok, lusa, dan hari seterusnya, tiada siapa yang tahu berapa kiraan hari yang aku masih ada untuk menjamah oksigen yang sudah lebih 2 dekad dihirup. walau bagaimanapun aku disudahkan nanti, syukur akan tetap aku ucap bila mata mencelik ditegur mentari. aku ingin kembali berpijak di bumi.

In Allah we have faith

don't read this. it's lame.

in the last entry, i said i'm gonna tell about what i came about on my trip in Florida and Bahamas. to be frank, i'm not the type who likes to plan things. i seldom have an organized plan when i'm about to travel somehere. at least, i will have some kind of a rough plan saved insecurely inside my head. what rational about that is you'll have a flexible schedule.

there are a number of mischievous events happened along the journey. Firstly, we missed our bus to the airport and we waited another two hours to get another bus. we were lucky because our flight departed to florida the next morning. i realized about one thing the moment we missed the bus. usually, when i am in haste, the bus will always be late. but on that "fortunate" day, we were late only by few minutes and the bus was already gone. i'm not sure if this only happen to me. i should come up with a research regarding this matter.

another unforgettable event is when we were about to leave florida in the next three or four days. suddenly, both of us found out that our bank accounts were empty. in my account, i only have $5.20 and my friend had about -$2.00. we were so panic back then but well, we are cool buddies. we faced the situation with so much calm and like real men. we already bought the return flight ticket before we came and that really helped a lot. we only left with the hostel room to pay, which was about $200 and for the taxi to take us to the airport later. and FOOD! that was the worst situation i have ever had. can you imagine you only eat once a day (which was ramen or maggi) with tap water to drink. and we were lucky since the hostel served breakfast, lunch and dinner even though they were not really delicious food. but we had no choice. that is far better than to have ramen every day. for the final three days, we just stayed at the hostel making some friends and went to the beach until the day we left florida. by the way, some good friends of us lend us some money and that was a big relief because at that time, most people already have no money. it was school break and everyone went traveling just like us. you know what we said when we arrived safely? we said Alhamdulillahirabbilalamin.

i don't know how to explain this. but it always happens to me when suddenly, i'm in panicky moments or what they call as "deep shit" with no possible ways of overcoming them. and out of nowhere, the aid arrives. it's what we call tawakkal i guess. you just need to remember who arranges everything and you just know that everything's gonna be just fine. but at the same time, of course you can't just sit on the sofa and wait for something to come down from the sky. you need to work your ass off lah.

i don't think i will update my blog frequently these days. not because i'm so busy with school and stuff. maybe, it's myself. i just don't think i have good ideas to write down here. i feel bad when i write about lame topics. it just can't work out. but hopefully, i will write whenever good ideas hit the back of my empty brain.

so long and good night.

oh wait! by the way i've been missing my ibu and ayah badly.
i miss the moment when i'm in front of the mirror inside my room, and suddenly ibu just came to me with a hand-full of olive oil and put it on my hair and arrange it according to her desire. even sometimes, i don't really like the hairstyle that she did to my hair. haha. maybe, when she touched my hair, she was reminiscing of the old days when she used to touch ayah's hair. she just can't realize that her big son is already becoming a man just like what ayah went through. seriuosly, my worldly life is ONLY for her to get paid off. my happiness is hers. hidup sementara. tak rugi apa la kalau korban hidup dunia untuk ibu. other things come after that.



In Allah we have faith